Huffy Tune-up

Gotta bike that has been sitting in the rain for years and is a prime candidate for a bad weather, no-theft, porch-residing beater ride? Run a shop where everyone wants service on their bike, but are always on their way to the bank to “pick up their check”? Got a relative who wants you to tune up the bicycle they rode around the bottom of their pool? Got only two minutes to do it? If so, try…

The Huffy Tune-up

You will need:

a wrench to remove the seatpost (or hand to free the quick-release lever);motor oil (synthetic or fossil based);

a means of suspending the bike (rope, stand, your biceps, whatever); and

a floor, mat, pan–get imaginative–to collect excess oil.

    Procedure:
    Remove the seatpost. Pour 1/2 cup of motor oil down the seat tube. When the oil begins to pour out of the bottom bracket shell (down at the cranks), rotate the bike front wheel down, so the oil runs through the downtube and begins to pour out the bottom fork race. Then rotate the bike again, which should now be nearly upside down, so the oil will lubricate the top fork bearings. Reverse the rotation of the bike so the unused oil collects back in the bottom bracket and will eventually drip out. Pour some oil on the chain, cogs and derailleurs (or drip some oil into the three-speed internal hub). Lubricate the cables. Wipe the bike off with a towel. The oil will act as a solvent and protectant, too. This tune-up will free the most stubborn parts, transforming a thrift-store or dumpster bike into a smooth-running machine in under 120 seconds!!!

    Nota bene:
    This tune-up is intended for only the most terminal cases. If you decide to give your Rivendell a Huffy tune-up, send me your bike and I’ll send you 1) a Huffy, and 2) a deed for some Florida swampland in return.

     

    Questions? Comments? Drop me some…
    email.

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